Water Stain Looks Either Like Buddha With Erection or Mr. Weatherbee From Archie Comics

buddhaweatherbee.jpgWhether believers see the erect penis of Siddhartha Gautama the Awakened One or the silhouette of Waldo Weatherbee the principal of fictional Riverdale High School the recently discovered water stain has become not only a source of inspiration and hope but a powerful reminder of the how objects bearing an image that might be a religious figure or a beloved comic book character can serve as a divisive element between groups who traditionally follow the convictions of peace, love and frolicking high school hijinx.

waldoweatherbee.jpgThousands of Buddhist Monks and Archie Comic enthusiasts are flocking to the upstate New York home of famed blogger and former Jiffy Lube attendant Bill Gathen to pray to, weep before or to just catch a glimpse of what has quickly become perhaps the most famous water stain in recorded history.

fatbuddha.jpgUpon discovering the watermark early Monday morning Mr. Gathen immediately contacted the Institute for Water Stains, Comic Books and Religious Iconography. “It was like that picture of the vase that also looks like two faces or maybe something more like a Rorschach Test.” said the devastatingly handsome writer. “When I first saw it on the panel of the porch I saw that principal from the Archie comics, but the longer I stared at it I began to see a fat Buddha statue with a boner.”

_40534689_toastie-afp203.jpg“It’s a fantastic specimen. One that can not even be surpassed by the Virgin Mary on the wall of the Chicago underpass, the Virgin Mary toasted cheese sandwich or even the Shower Jesus piece of plaster from a Pittsburgh men’s bathroom.” gushed Institute representative Dr. Mitch Cumstein. “For one stain to simultaneously look like a fully aroused Buddha and Principal Weatherbee, or The Bee as we are referring to him at the Institute, indicates a higher power is at work here. A power far beyond our comprehension.”

mary.jpgBy noon on Monday thousands of pilgrims had already arrived and by 3:00 two distinct and contentious camps had formed around the holy vision. While the Buddhists draped in their monastic robes knelt reverently before the image, the Archie fanatics, some dressed as Archie, Betty, Veronica, Reggie and other classic characters, played Frisbee while one Jughead complete with a crown-shaped beanie tried to eat a “Colossal Burger”; a burger made up of 16 different burgers.

jesusstain.jpg “It’s obviously Principal Weatherbee!” proclaimed 53 year old Richard Martin of Green Bay, Wisconsin dressed as Marmaduke “Moose” Mason “This is a sign. Waldo’s telling us that we’ve strayed from the path of Riverdale’s Utopian ideals. We’ve lost our way.”

One Tibetan Monk named Genyen, which means Approaching Virtue, broke his vow of silence taken over 40 years ago to say, “Are you freaking kidding me? Look at it! It’s clearly the Enlightened One with a hard-on. How can you not see that?”

img_0560.jpg

The debate may be short-lived though as the forecast in the Northeast is calling for storms. Nevertheless, Mr. Gathen has pledged to somehow preserve the image and auction it off on eBay. “One of the monks told me that the Virgin Mary toast sold for like $28,000 on eBay. You can see James Gandolfini with a pole vault for all I care, I’m not taking less than 50 grand for this baby.”

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “Water Stain Looks Either Like Buddha With Erection or Mr. Weatherbee From Archie Comics

  1. Calling all Viagra users! Please report to the residence of Mr. Gathen with your candles and incense, a.s.a.p! Hurry, as this stain may only last a bit longer than 15 minutes before passing cold showers come….

    Good gravy…the things you find to blog about 😉

  2. Oh dear! My vote is Mr. Weatherbee. Once again I must thank NaBloPoMo for getting me out to read other blogs…enjoyable blogs. Thanks again for the giggles.

  3. OMG, that is hilarious. How much are your charging for admission? Have you already draped off the area with a velvet rope?

    I almost thought it looked like Donald Duck at first glance.

  4. This post frickin’ killed me and the hubster. You have talent, my friend.
    I’ve got a birthmark that looks like a sacred fish carved into the side of a cave by Neanderthal man – does that mean I’m blessed? Do tell, devastatingly handsome suburban writer!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s